Don't beat yourself up
if you don't achieve a goal
What happens if you don't achieve a musical goal or practice target? Don't beat yourself up! If you fail an exam or play badly in a concert? Nothing happens. The world doesn't stop turning, the sky doesn't fall and you can still play your instrument! All it means is you made a miscalculation when planning your targets. This isn't a musical failure. It is a learning about goal setting experience. I'm not saying you shouldn't strive to achieve your musical goals. Of course, you should, but if you don't attain them don't beat yourself up! Stay focused on what you have achieved. Even if you didn't reach your desired goal, you have still made progress towards it. Reflect on the progress you have made and stay positive.
What should I do next?
If it is a goal that is still achievable just reset your target, think more carefully about the steps you need to take to get there having learned from the fact you didn't, and continue working towards your goal. Examine your goal setting strategies and think about how you could improve predicting how long something will take to achieve. Remember Thomas Edison took over 10,000 attempts before he perfected the lightbulb. Persevere. Stick at it. You will get there! If it is a goal that seems unachievabale now, such as an exam or performance think about whether it is really unachievable. Exams can be retaken and in the case of practical exams maybe skipped, especially if you were very close to the pass mark. There will be other performances in which to redeem yourself and if it was a competition there are other competitions. The first thing is to take responsibility without beating yourself up about it. Look for options. Think about the progress you made, especially if you made lots of progress during the last couple of weeks before a concert or exam. Learn from this that you are capable of making excellent progress, you just need to start the process earlier next time. Keep things in perspective as much as you can. Find the silver lining.
Nobody else has ever failed this badly?
You think? Maybe it's just that those people concentrate on their successes and what they learned when they did fail at something. I went to look for quotes online to put here. I thought I would use
"There is no failure, only feedback"
Robert Allen
but when I started reading I saw one from the basketball legend Michael Jordan
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
and as I continued reading down the page I couldn't decide. So here is a link to the rest of the quotes. They all talk about failure in a positive, learning way saying if you don't fail, how can you learn? Every person with quotes on this page would tell you "Don't beat yourself up about it. Move on."
Moving on
Moving on is the key. Remember: Many more than you have had hurdles to get over. Don't beat yourself up. Work out what went wrong with your preparation, re-plan, take into account the progress you have already made whether you are building on it or whether you have learned one way not to do something and start moving back towards your goal.
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